The question is similar to: Why did you murder the man? Instead of: Did you murder him? I have never seen spill the tea, and I do get around. – @XXX Apr 27 at 14:37

crudely questioning my experience. This is really outrageous.

Careful with the term voguish. It might not mean what you think. – @XXX Apr 28 at 14:40

This insult can only be called slimy. Why doesn't this poster explain what "voguish" means?

I flagged both snide comments and both flags were declined.

I was suspended for a week for trying to be humorous - I understand this is a high reputation poster - but it is really appalling that he is allowed to be this insolent.

  • voguish has two meanings. It can mean somewhat in vogue. But it also can be relating to voguing, the movements used by the Harlem Ballroom dance crowd: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vogue_(dance) I was the person who posted those coimments, neither of which is untoward. You might want to provide the link so people can see the whole context.
    – Lambie
    Commented May 18 at 18:27
  • 1
    Here's the link: english.stackexchange.com/questions/621900/… And I provided a lot of context in my answer and the wrong answer was chosen. I only learned the term "spill the tea" after visiting a bunch of drag sites. It's charming, really. By saying that voguish was maybe not so clear, I was implying it could be related to voguing, the dance.
    – Lambie
    Commented May 18 at 18:31
  • I entered a link for spilling the tea. I thought I had put it in, and had not.
    – Lambie
    Commented May 18 at 18:53

2 Answers 2


Choosing deliberately inflammatory words like gratuitous, crudely, outrageous, slimy, appalling, insolent to publicly describe our community members or their actions sets a tone ill-suited to civil discourse, let alone one that complies with our site’s Code of Conduct, a code which you yourself consented to follow as a condition of your participation here. Compliance is not optional.

No one here has attacked you; no one here has insulted you. Instead of futilely tilting at windmills, you might see whether growing thicker skin and simply moving on doesn’t get you further.

  • Got it @tchristMod preserving the false and insulting comment "Careful with the term voguish. It might not mean what you think. – ****** Apr 28 at 14:40" for posterity is a vital interest of the powers that be. But "inflammatory" adjectives are a no-no.
    – S K
    Commented May 5 at 14:22
  • 6
    @SK No-one has insulted you there, and falsely accusing others of doing so is itself insulting. Stop doing it.
    – Andrew Leach Mod
    Commented May 6 at 11:24
  • Sir, yes, sir. @Andrew Leach
    – S K
    Commented May 6 at 11:34
  • I said careful, because it can be related to drag queens who vogue (do that dance) or to something that is somewhat in style or in vogue. I did a lot of research on the question, and see that nobody was interested in the real answer which I only discovered myself in doing the research. The murder thing is a pretty well known lawyer or fallacy thing. I thought it was rather well known...:)
    – Lambie
    Commented May 18 at 18:39

The question is similar to: Why did you murder the man? Instead of: Did you murder him? I have never seen spill the tea, and I do get around.

Obviously the user is not accusing you of murdering anyone, so it is not an attack. They are (she is) pointing out that asking why something happened are difficult questions to answer. I don't think it is the best analogy but perhaps they were thinking of something else, and it was poorly phrased.

As for the second comment, this is not an attack on you, your character or your question. It is not offensive, slimy or even snide. It's suggesting you may have misused the term "voguish". Personally I disagree, I searched online and "voguish", derived from vogue, means in fashion, which is presumably what you wanted to say.

In any case, the user is known for writing comments on a daily basis, on several different posts, and has a long history of defending their own personal opinions and answers to a point where it becomes counterproductive. This didn't happen here. Don't take it personally.

Interestingly, two American users stated they have never heard of "spill(ing) the tea”, which suggests they never read–all credit to them–trashy gossip columns.
Shhh… promise not to tell anyone, but I have been known to read trashy articles online.

Next time, please show and share the research in your question in order for users not to google an expression for themselves.

Just for the record

For any user who finds their flag on a comment has been dismissed,

  • be absolutely sure the comment contains harassment, bigotry, or abuse, there should be no grey area. Moderators will have no option but to reject your flag.

  • Use the "something else" option and explain in detail why the comment is hurtful, unfriendly or impolite. Sometimes the tone in a comment can be seen in a bad light when no malice was intended. Try not to link the comment with the user but judge the comment on its own merits, is it objectively true/false?

  • If you use inflammatory language in the flag, albeit in defence, your flags will likely be rejected.

  • Some comments are backhanded compliments, these are harder to detect, I would only flag if the behaviour were persistent.

  • If the commentator has a track history of posting belittling comments, take the opportunity of linking to similar incidents in the past, it doesn't matter if the comments have since been deleted, moderators can see deleted content.

  • Post on meta when a flag has been rejected, and ask why. Avoid using the person's name, and avoid an accusatory, indignant or inflammatory tone. If need be, write a draft, leave it a day or two, and come back to it. You might find your initial reaction was overly sensitive and biased.

Here is a good example of how to notify about someone's behaviour on meta:

What happens when you flag a rude comment, and then the author deletes it?


Here is Andrew Leach's response to a question about rudeness in comments

Do note that comments are brief and can be brusque. That's not rudeness. There are some guidelines on flags, which — although they probably need updating after five years — still hold true.

Do we have any general guidelines on flagging?

Do we have any guidelines for flagging a comment as offense?

What should I do, I receive a targeted DEATH comment?

What is the best way to get out-of-control comments to stop and be removed?

What should I do if mods declined a flag I think was legitimate and regard violation of the code of conduct?

  • Hope you are not a moderator - I complained about a gratuitous personal attack, and I got gratuitously attacked in the "resolution" !!!! 'Interestingly, two American users stated they have never heard of "spill(ing) the tea”, which suggests they never read–all credit to them–trashy gossip columns.' Are the regulars here living in Victorian England? (by the way I ran into this expression on Youtube.). @Mari-Lou A
    – S K
    Commented May 5 at 13:13
  • 8
    Moderators have diamonds next to their names. And I repeat, despite your protests, you were not attacked. Criticised...perhaps by me but not even that. The first comment is saying it's almost impossible to know "why" a word, phrase or idiom takes over another.
    – Mari-Lou A
    Commented May 5 at 14:08
  • 1
    Vogue, or voguing, is a highly stylized, modern house dance originating in the late 1980s that evolved out of the Harlem ballroom scene of the 1960s.[1] It is inspired by the poses of models in fashion magazines.[2] So, voguish could be something that is like something in style, or it could refer to voguing, the dance. And finally, it could be related to the question re spill the tea.
    – Lambie
    Commented May 18 at 18:29
  • I had never heard the expression until I did research on it which led me to drag culture, which I would never call trashy.
    – Lambie
    Commented May 21 at 19:42
  • I have heard this expression on YouTube, and online magazines, especially those that feature "spill the tea" news. That it is derived from Drag culture doesn't mean it is used exclusively by them. I talked about trashy gossip articles. Who talked about drag-queens, you or me? Read my comments. How dare you insinuate that I suggested drag culture is trashy. I never said anything of the kind.
    – Mari-Lou A
    Commented May 21 at 22:57
  • That you didn't know what "spilling the tea" meant until recently proves you don't read gossip columns, (all credit to you) because if you did read gossipy articles, and watched YouTube videos that talk about receipts especially American ones, you would have read and heard about "spilling the tea" a long time ago.
    – Mari-Lou A
    Commented May 21 at 22:59

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