Do we allow 'What is a better way to write this?' questions on this site? If not, I feel this question is one of those.
The issue with those types of questions is that there is no definite answer and there can be many equally good responses. Also, it is unlikely that it will be useful for future readers.
This is not the same as questions which ask for alternate/better words/phrases for a presented word/phrase given a specific context; these can be useful and excellent questions.